Are we having fun yet?

I was sitting with a couple of my best girlfriends over brunch trying to convince them, or maybe myself, that I didn’t like having fun.

These were literally the words that came out of my mouth: “I don’t like having fun.” The absurdity.

Who doesn’t like having fun? Fun, is by definition, fun. No question.

Of course, what I was really saying was that I didn’t feel like I had time for fun. I was on a mission to live out my purpose, fulfil my potential, make an impact, blah, blah, blah.

Ain’t nobody got time for fun. So I shunned fun for years and years.

I worked myself to the bone and burnt out three times.

I stopped reading fiction for pure pleasure, and only read non-fiction that was work related or about bettering myself. Because, mission.

I stopped writing fiction for pure pleasure, and only wrote for work or journaled to better myself. Because, again, mission.

I went along to Beyoncé dance lessons with a friend because I thought I should try and do something ‘fun’ but I didn’t really enjoy it.

I shied away from events that could have been fun, but which I decided, wouldn’t be.

I even bought a book called Play: How it shapes the brain, opens the imagination and invigorates the soul by an eminent scholar and then never read it.

When did this begin? I traced it back to becoming a parent - while simultaneously trying to build a career.

During my university days and my 20s, I had a lot of fun. A lot. Sometimes too much, one might argue.

(This was before the internet so fortunately the times when we had too much fun weren’t captured and displayed for all to see).

But once I hit parenthood, the fun police arrived and quashed any desire for any kind of non-purposeful frivolity.

Hmmm. I’m shaking my head as I write this. You might be thinking, how ridiculous or yeah, I get it. Either way, I need to explain what was really happening.

I didn’t know it at the time but it wasn’t me who didn’t like having fun. It was certain parts of me.

They took one look at my new reality and said, “Right Jodie, you’re now officially overloaded with parenting responsibilities but we’ve still got to make you a success, you can’t give up on that. What shall we do? Yes, we’ll cut out all fun. That’ll do it!”

And to be perfectly honest, that strategy did work for a time. But not forever.

Because what they were ultimately doing wasn’t just shutting out fun, they were shutting down younger parts of me who, naturally, knew how to play and have fun. No book from an eminent scholar necessary.

We all have younger parts of us who have been tucked away for safe keeping in our inner worlds. Some of them for good reason because they had experiences that were painful to deal with at the time, and they don’t want a re-run.

But when we tuck away the pain, we also tuck away other qualities those younger parts are holding for us such as play and, yes, fun.

Sure, therapy can help heal those younger parts. (More about parts and healing here).

But beyond therapy, there are ways to reconnect to younger parts of ourselves and bring back the fun.

That’s what I’ve been doing lately and it’s lead to a proliferation of riches.

No, I’m not going to Beyoncé dance classes now and I still haven’t read that book about play.

But I’m reading fiction again. I’m writing fiction again. And I’m doing what I inherently enjoy. Woo hoo!

I want you to have a bit more fun too, if you’d like to! That’s why, next year, I’ll be opening up an experience that we can share together, that’s about connecting to a younger part of us, our inner teen. And I promise you, it will be fun!

More info next year.

In the meantime, the key message is this: When we shut out younger parts of ourselves, we miss out big time. Let’s not do that anymore.

Some things to share…

I’m watching…

My husband and I watched Downton Abbey together, brilliant, and then Ted Lasso, brilliant. We’re now going to start watching Lessons in Chemistry. A great book and I’m hoping the series is as good.

I’m doing…

Talking about fun! I made friendship bracelets with my daughter and her friend in prep for the T-Swift concert. 🙌

I’m eating…

My kids laugh at my green smoothie but I think it’s delicious and nutritious. My concoction includes water, vanilla protein powder, peanut butter, cocao, chia seeds, baby spinach and rocket. Blend!

I’m processing…

The end of another year. A year that felt like nothing was changing externally in my life as quickly or as monumentally as I would have liked but in retrospect, I realise that so much was changing internally and everything was being set up for next year, beginning with myself. More next week…

How about you? Had any fun lately? Or are you not having as much fun as you’d like? Feel free to share in the comments.

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Thank you for being here. Love to you and all your loved ones.