Please believe in your creative dreams
Message for the day: I really, really want you to always believe in and never give up on your creative dreams, please!
I gave up on my creative dreams way too young and for far too many years of my life. (See my origin story here for more deets).
Do you know what that led to? Constant striving for ‘success’ in some other venture for validation. A deep lack of fulfilment. Something I couldn’t quite name that felt a lot like ‘I’m not really being me’.
Let me be clear: I’ve had a wonderful life on so many fronts. Family. Home. Friends.
But career? Well, externally, to anyone observing from the outside, they would probably say I’ve had a wonderful career too. And in many ways I have - so many great experiences, colleagues and opportunities.
But internally? I’ve felt compromised. I compromised.
It’s true that life is full of compromises.
Go out with your friends? No, you’ve got to do your assignment. Veg out all day? No, you’ve got to go to some family event. Relax on the couch? No, your dog needs a walk.
These kind of compromises can feel like constraints, like heavy weights that block us from what we really want.
But not compromising at all can also look a lot like selfishness, pure self-interest with no regard for others.
That’s why the antidote to compromise is not freedom - as in do whatever you want whenever you want regardless of anyone or anything else.
The antidote to compromise is connection. Here’s why…
There are actually two sorts of comprise: Outer and inner*.
Outer compromises are the ‘do your assignment, go to the family event and walk your dog’ type situations. We do them because we have responsibilities and commitments.
Inner compromises are about what’s going on inside us when we make outer compromises.
When we feel like we are being true to ourselves, our integrity, we’re not making an inner compromise - even if we’re making an outer one.
The only way we’ll know if we’re not making an inner compromise is if we check in.
Let’s say that you check in about whether to go out with your friends or stay home and do your assignment instead.
First off, you notice that there’s a part of you that says you should go out. Your friend needs you! You need to be a good friend!
But then you also notice that there’s a part of you that wants to stay home and study. Not every time. But today. It’s saying, “You don’t need to go. Not this time.”
When you sit with these two parts for a moment, you notice that yes, they are telling you different stories but you also notice that they feel different.
The ‘go out’ part feels reactionary. It wants you to go out so you don’t feel guilty.
Whereas the ‘stay home’ part feels more settled and knowing. It’s suggesting you stay home because it’s more in integrity, this time. Maybe not every time. But this time.
That’s the difference between outer and inner compromises.
You might make an outer compromise to your friends but you’re not making an inner compromise to yourself. And the way you worked that out was through connection, by checking within.
Okay so let’s apply this idea to something much bigger and more fundamental…our creative dreams.
I’ve been a member of Andrea Schroeder’s Creative Dream Incubator for many years. Andrea says something very profound, which I believe to be true:
Our dreams are calling us towards our true self.
Woah. Big statement. Let’s unpack this a little.
When I say ‘creative dreams’ I’m not talking about those ego dreams that are purely about fame and fortune.
Our true creative dreams come from a much deeper place within us. They feel important, integral, fundamental, to who we are.
We’ve got a burning desire to write so we write. We have to! It feels non-negotiable. To not write is to make an inner compromise.
But then committing fully to our creative dreams, to that burning desire, can be challenging.
We write but then we don’t know if our writing is good enough.
We see someone else winning writing competitions and doing better than us.
We’re not sure if the commitment is worth it? Will we ever succeed, make money, get the accolades?
Doubts, comparisons, expectations are all inner compromises. And with each inner compromise, we stop believing.
Our burning desire to write is still there but we ignore it or admonish it or try to override it by believing something else.
I’ve always had a burning desire to write but for many years I believed this instead:
I can’t be a successful writer
I need to choose a safer career
I need to succeed in other ways
Inner compromises, all of them, which led me away further from my dream - and my true self.
Our creative dreams are calling us towards our true self.
That means we need to connect within and not make too many inner compromises even when we doubt or compare ourselves or have expectations that aren’t being met.
We keep on believing and listening and following our creative process (More about listening and following our creative process here).
Sure, along the way, we’ll need to make some external compromises and we probably won’t always avoid inner compromises.
That’s okay. We’re humans having a human experience.
I just don’t want us to give up completely on our creative dreams.
Even if we end up getting a ‘real job’ or we don’t have as much time to write as we’d like or we have other responsibilities that take priority for a time.
Dont. Give. Up. Hold your creative dreams someone deep inside you and stay connected.
That’s why we opened with: I really, really want you to always believe in and never give up on your creative dreams, please!
And that’s why we should probably close to the refrains of Journey’s ‘Don’t stop believin’? (They’re are an 80s rock band for those not in know). Yes, let’s do it…
“Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'” [insert screeching vocals and guitars].
* I credit Richard Rudd, founder of the Gene Keys with distinguishing between outer and inner compromises.