Publishing dreams and nightmares

Okay, I’m being a little dramatic with that headline. But, still. That is the experience. The hope of the publishing dream and the nightmare of the publishing reality.

It all began just over a year ago when I finished writing and beta testing my first decent novel. We’re ignoring those couple of terrible novels that I wrote back in my 20s. They went straight to the bottom draw where they belonged.

But here I was with my first decent fiction book. A YA contemporary romance. What’s a girl to do?

Try and get published, of course!

Here’s the sequence of events…

• Receive a glowing manuscript assessment

• Polish a query letter and synopsis

• Pitch to US agents, because dreaming big

• Collect rejections or ghostings from US agents, because publishing reality

• Continue to pitch US agents

• Get four requests for full or partial manuscripts including from an agent who represents one of the biggest authors in YA publishing, because winning

• Receive absolutely no word from one agent and rejections from three of those four agents, with nice feedback but not-for-me type responses

• Pitch to UK agents, because why not

• Collect rejections or ghostings from UK agents, because publishing reality

You still with me? It continues…

• Pitch to Australian agents and publishers

• Collect rejections and ghostings from Australian agents and publishers

• Continue to pitch Australian agents and publishers

• Get requests for full or partial manuscripts from two Australian publishers and one Australian agent

• Submit to one YA prize

• Receive some helpful advice from one Australian agent

• Chew the ear off of a friend who works in a publishing adjacent industry and who knows everyone in publishing

• Receive some sound advice from said friend that publishing is a really difficult industry to be in

But wait, there’s more…

• Research self publishing options

• Get excited about honouring my entrepreneurial side by self publishing

• Get exhausted by all the work it might take to self publish

• Grapple with the emotional rift of wanting to initially traditionally publish, but then maybe being okay with self publishing, but worrying about it all, anyway

• Wish that I could be chill about this whole process and, yes, just see it as a process

• Try to be curious rather than fret

• Wonder why we put ourselves through such emotional turmoil

So what’s the conclusion to this captivating story?

I’m glad you asked. I. Don’t. Know. There is no conclusion to this story yet. I’m still exploring both traditional and self publishing.

Why do we do it? Because we have a dream and we’d prefer not to believe in the nightmare.

We want to be the one who writes the book that breaks all records, attracts the most amazing agent, the best book deal, makes it to the best seller list, and wow, stays on the best seller list, like, forever.

Or we want to be the one who’s the resourceful indie author who cracks the independent publishing algorithm, finds masses of super fans, and sees all that money pour in because they didn‘t sell their valuable IP to a traditional publisher.

They are the dreams. The nightmare? Putting our heart and soul into a book that never makes it off of our computer.

Actually, let’s tone down the drama and say, that isn’t really the nightmare, is it? Much worse would be not writing at all, not being vulnerable enough to put ourselves out there, and not growing and evolving as a result. That is much worse.

Because here’s what I’ve learnt about myself through this ordeal

• I can do hard things

• I don’t have to do all the things, all at once

• There is more than one publishing pathway

• I don’t need to take on someone else’s story and compare myself, I can create my own

• It is critically important to look after those parts of me that are freaking out and help them to calm the farm a little

• I absolutely love writing

• I believe deeply in my books

• I am not my books but I am their champion

• I can keep on believing in the dream

And a good thing that’s happened during this submission process? I’ve written my second YA contemporary romance, the second in the series.

We write and we dream and we keep on dreaming.

If you’re interested, I’ve also written about my trad and self-publishing history here. It’s interesting when you take inventory!

Update: I’m going to be Self publishing my next book (not self-publishing). Check out the difference here.